[aderlass]

Всем, кто интересуется австралийским английским (в особенности слэнгом) или просто хочет посмеяться - рекомендуется к прочтению!

Письмо из Австралии специально для нас, т.е. Бохумских студентов))))

dear students
yes i’m tryin to fink of sumfin to blast ur ears and eyroids with, to tell u all bout ‘stralia!
struth evryone finks we ‘ave roo’s hopping down the streets and as pets, well we don’t!
our koala bears aren’t that cuddly either all they do is sleep their tits off all day and when they wake up when u try to cuddle ‘em ,they scratch the shit outta ya , then run a muck whilst pissin’ on ya, it’s enuf to give a man the shits!
us aussie blokes are proud, we work hard all day and go down to the pub and sink sum piss till we get maggot, then we toddle off home to a great home cooked meal from the missus and if we play our cards right and tell her “it was the best bloody meal this side of the black stump” we may get our end wet and have a good root with the old girl!
for the single aussie blokes we like to be like the ever reliable wombat- we meet a hot shelia we go back to her house (never ours) and like the wombat we eat roots and leave!! some shelias just can’t get over that!
our little nippers they just luv their sport, any sport they can get into, nufin like a satadee or a sundee takin the urchins out for a dose of sport ,and at the end of the day the little buggers will be buggered and crash like a dunny truck hittin a tree,(they’ll drop like a tonne of shit all over the bed!)
so far i have discussed a bit about our blokes and shelias and the nippers and now i would like to tell u a little bit more about our wonderful wildlife
number 1- don’t go to our fckin beaches- our sharks luv foreigners!
” 2- if the sharks don’t get u the blue ring octopus or the stonefish, box jelly fish,stingrays,sea snakes or a great big fckin croc will!
if u fink ur safe on the land lots of poisonous spiders- under the rocks the big fckers-funnel webs, walking across ur floor at nite (they don’t kill u-if ur an adult,they only make ur skin die and u need hi doses of anti biotics!)
and u can’t even go to the shithouse and sit on the dunny as sumtimes lurking under the dunny seat are the redbacks,many a bloke over the years has died ‘cause his mate won’t suck him on the balls afta a reddy has bitten ‘em ur basically fcked if ur a bloke, but not many women die due to being bitten on the snatch by a reddy-cause there’s never a shortage of blokes to suck the poison out,they’re sneaky lil’ buggers as they like dark damp places, and if ur balls r hangin they’ll run up em like a rat up a drain pipe and get comfy.
back on the land next we got tonne of poisonous snakes -take ur choice thousands of ways to die.
and fuck a duck the echinda will spike u and the lovely little platypus has a poisonous spine and even the kangaroos will rip ur guts open if u get in their road.
there that’s sum of the known dangers.
so guys u must come to oz and visit me and avachat about wotever u want, and stone the crows we might even becum mates, suc sum piss ,get maggot,and spin a yarn or 2 about wot u get up to etc,and party party party!
all da best steve